Monday, June 7, 2010

Hated Words

The Dublin Writers’ Festival is over. At an event in the Abbey yesterday, Tom Murphy read from his plays. Afterwards, he and Conor McPherson had a ‘conversation’, followed by questions from the audience.

In the context of the vexed question of writing ‘Irishness’, and changing perceptions of what that means, Murphy told us about a conversation he had with Tony Cronin at a party, years ago. Tony Cronin said that his most hated word, growing up, was ‘Manliness.’ Cronin, Murphy went on to explain, had been to boarding school. Murphy’s most hated word would have been ‘Respectability’. It was the notion of respectability that he wrote against, in the early days of his career.

I’m paraphrasing. I hope I have it right. In any case, the two most hated words are accurate –I know because I wrote them down as soon as I heard them. I’d have left right then if I could, because I wanted to think about this wonderful idea of the most hated word.

Straight away, I knew what mine would have been, if I’d been part of that conversation: ‘Control’.

Which explains a lot. (I went to boarding schools too.)

As a tool for investigating the patterns of one’s life, this ‘hated word’ concept could be really useful. I’d love to know what other people’s most hated word is, and what it might explain about them.

Sometimes writing a blog is a bit like talking to yourself. Actually, it IS talking to yourself, but allowing for the possibility that someone might drop in and listen for a while, before wandering off to another keyhole.

Dear Reader, if you’re out there, tell me your most hated word and why.

10 comments:

  1. I had to really think about this. I thought of a few but the one I think that stands out for me is 'jealous'. It implies negativity in a way that makes me want to run in the other direction. Jealousy feels like being in a cage - other people's jealousy I mean. I am not a jealous person so I find it very hard to deal with jealous friends or partners. I feel as though they are trying to control me in some way and I hate the outpouring of possessiveness that goes with it. I feel myself bristle when people say 'I'm so jealous'. It feels like they're trying to steal my happiness or experience.

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  2. So yours is about control, too - I think the others are as well: manliness, respectability, control, or jealousy in the sense of trying to contain/own you in some way.
    I don't know about people wanting to steal your happiness or experience though. Their intentions might be more benign than you think. When I read a really good novel or story, I often say I'm jealous but I mean it in a light, appreciative way, as in: 'I wish I'd done that' or: right now I have a friend who's in the final stages of writing her next novel, she's weeks away from finishing a spit-and-polish job and I'm jealous because I have so far to go with mine. But she says, when mine is finished and hers is at a different stage, she'll probably be jealous right back. I think this kind of jealousy, which is more like professional envy inhabits a broad spectrum , can be really corrosive, and it's better to say it straight out than nurse it in secret.

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  3. Hi Lia - I've logged into your blog on a few occasions but this is my first time to leave a comment.

    I wrote this poem 'Control' in 1994 - it was one that I read at Louise's workshop - here it is for what it's worth:

    CONTROL

    Everywhere we look there are signs:
    'Access Prohibited', 'Keep Out','No Entry'.
    It has become the sickness

    of the 20th Century:an inventory
    of rules and regulations must apply.
    Wherever we look we find chains,

    locks, bolts,barriers that ought to jolt
    the consciousness. But we seldom bother.
    It's easier not to make waves.

    It saves us being singled out
    for attention if we fail to mention
    a fact or two. Besides, our lives

    would be crushed in the resultant chaos
    if everyone was allowed to do exactly
    as they wished. Then we really would

    be out of control, without a role to play,
    or an accepted way of living. I'd like to
    got back to the one who said 'In my opinion...'

    Colette Connor
    1994

    So there you are - for what it's worth - sixteen years later!

    I think the word I have most difficulty with is the word 'Dishonest' and that probably has something to do with what you said about not saying it out straight and nursing it in secret. The problem with that I find is that when you do say it out straight people tend to take umbrage so you keep quiet rather than cause offence. Unfortunately, sometimes things need to be said if the boil is to be lanced to use that somewhat ugly metaphor.

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  4. Hi Lia,

    Just dropped by to say I'm listening. A thought-provoking post. You've left me with a dilemma though. I need to go off and think about my most hated word. I'll swing by again when I've worked that one out. (Am I allowed to have more than one?)

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  5. Excellent question. Are you a libran too by any chance? As soon as I posted 'control', several others came to mind, but how many 'mosts' can one person have? Before you know it, even a word as innocuous as 'most' begins to seem tyrannical.

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  6. I finally managed to come back with my word. Let's hear it for "envy". (My favourite word happens to be "abattoir". Only problem is the meaning is completely wasted on it.)

    Don't think I'm a Libran - far too imbalanced for that. I'm of indeterminate age so I'm not sure of my star sign or birthday. I think I'll just claim the best bits of all the star signs.

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  7. You could start a whole new thread here: words whose meanings are wasted. Then there are the ones whose meaning is chameleon, the shifty ones, those who escape so often they're more or less permanently on the run ...

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  8. This is so weird, because my hate word is also "control" or rather "to be in control" if this counts. And this was in part stimulated by reading "In your face" at a time when I was trying to come to terms with a nasty diagnosis myself (btw it helped an awful lot!) and realising that what I had to rediscover was an ability to endure and be aware instead of this cursed urge/demented illusion of being in control.

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  9. Everything counts. I meant the kind of control other people/bodies/institutions exert, in an effort to mould us to their ends, which is a way of preserving power, I suppose. But I agree with you about the illusion of being 'in control', of anything. Which raises an interesting question: why are some illusions more successful than others? How do ideologies or institutions get to press-gang the rest of us into shared illusions at their convenience? Why do we rush headlong into that steel trap?
    And as far as art/writing is concerned, there's that endless quest for a balance between abandon/surrender and craft; craft being conscious and directed and, much as I hate to admit it, almost by definition about control.

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  10. PS I'm glad In Your Face helped ....

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